they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
