can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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