If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
