he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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