My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
