Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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