i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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