if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
