i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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