Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
