hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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