That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
