Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
