Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
