I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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