Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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