You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
