I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
