oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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