Having a random hookup so left but love u
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
