I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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