I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
