Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
