remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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