I feel great
I just peed on a car
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
