Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
