South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
