I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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