I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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