It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
