Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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