I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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