You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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