Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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