I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
