p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
