I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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