chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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