Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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