There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
