I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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