My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
