how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
