And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
