My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
