3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
