you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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