this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
