I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
