Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
