I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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