i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
