Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
