I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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